Men initiate almost all affairs. An affair always means there are serious problems in the marriage. Infidelity is a sign that sex is missing or unsatisfactory at home. Women are more likely to have an affair because they feel unhappy in their marriages while men, on the other hand, will do it just for sex. Telling all the details of the affair to the betrayed spouse will help heal the marriage. Affairs should always be disclosed to the un-involved partner regardless of the potential for domestic violence or even murder when such disclosure take place.
Men are more concerned about their romantic partners having passionate sex with someone else, while women are more concerned that their partners are falling-in-love with someone else. Most people are monogamous, so an affair indicates a moral failure, character deficiency and a failure of the marriage. People generally seek in an affair what they do not get at home from their spouse. Concerns about AIDS will reduce the frequency of affairs.
Marital sex is always safe sex. Internet sex and Internet infidelity are not considered extramarital affairs. Extramarital affairs are never consensual. Many couples, in fact, come out of the infidelity crises stronger and more committed. Society gives lip service to monogamy, but actually supports affairs through role-models, advertisements, TV, news media, literature and the movies.
Infidelity is an equal opportunity issue that cuts across gender lines, educational levels, sexual orientation, social and economic class and culture. Infidelity is a choice. Non-monogamous relationships are common in some gay communities. Some gay couples consciously, intentionally and systematically negotiate non-monogamous relationships.
The effect of infidelity can be negative, neutral or positive. Jealousy is biologically wired and also socially constructed. Modern western cultures tend to over-emphasize the importance of monogamy in marriage in comparison to values such as kindness and compassion. Many individuals who get involved in an affair have not been able to go beyond the romantic unrealistic and often short term ideal or falling-in-love phase that often characterizes the first phase of romantic relationships.
Sexual infidelity by a woman, either actual or suspected, significantly increases the likelihood of spousal battering and spousal homicide.
No marriage is immune from affairs. Preventing infidelity requires ongoing, honest communication and commitment to sexually exclusive monogamy, among other measures. As infidelity takes place in a certain social, historical and evolutionary context, no couple can fully understand why an affair happens by looking only at their own marriage. Some of the estimates in the United States are: 1 in every 2.
Narcissistic individuals may be especially prone to marital infidelity. While some of those who were involved in affairs report high marital satisfaction, research has shown, not surprisingly, a general inverse correlation between marriage satisfaction and infidelity.
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People having affairs tend to rationalize their behavior, and a part of that rationalization is ignoring or denying the possibility of any negative consequences, such as divorce or acquiring STD. Many researchers have found out that one can feel a strong attachment to the spouse and still be madly attracted to and romantically in love with someone else. Contrary to one commonly held view, many people who report being in happy marriages commit adultery. Generally affairs that take place earlier on in the marriage are more highly correlated with dissatisfaction than those that take place later on in the marriage.
Men in long-term marriages, who had affairs, had very high marital satisfaction. On the other hand, women in long-term marriages who had an affair had very low marital satisfaction. Some research reports that extramarital sex can increase sexual activity within the marriage. The hydraulic pump theory that there is only that much sexual energy available and it is spent outside the marriage with nothing left for the spouse, has been debunked by several researchers.
Some affairs are better kept secret.
Not all affairs must be disclosed. There are situations where disclosure can result in domestic violence or even murder or trigger extreme emotional response by the psychologically vulnerable un-involved partner. Some couples consent to extramarital affairs. Sometimes the consent is implicit and at other times is explicit. It can be passive or actively and openly constructed.
A striking paradox is that while polls indicate 90 percent disapproved of extramarital relationships, almost a third engaged in such relationships. Unlike what we may predict from analytic or behavioral therapies, there are no findings on the influence of parental infidelities on the likelihood of their children engaging in infidelity. Having children increases the likelihood of marital affairs.
Lifetime rates of infidelity are twice as high among men and women who have been divorced or legally separated. Not only did AIDS not reduce infidelity, in fact less than one-half of individuals reporting sex outside the marriage use condoms with their primary and secondary sex partners. Following are short descriptions of eleven different types of affair: 1. Travel, late night meetings and many other work-related activities significantly increase the possibilities for affairs.
Women use the Internet in increased numbers, which opens endless possibilities to meet potential partners online and to have online or actual affairs.
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There is a significant decrease of physical, negative legal and emotional consequences and risk for women found to be having an affair. While women still face physical risk if their husband finds out about their affair, long gone are the days of women automatically losing everything as a result of infidelity, including children, properties they owned prior to the marriage and even their lives.
The first written evidence of laws treating women as possessions of men dates to about B. Change has been gradual and slow to come. Women are more willing to risk divorce, as they are increasingly more capable of taking care of themselves and their children economically, physically and emotionally. There is a decreased pressure on women to serve primarily, or at all, in the role of mothers and home-keeper, which increase the risk of divorce.
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Phase 1: Affair Takes Place General Description: Affairs can happen suddenly and unpredictably or can develop over a long period of time. They can last a very short time or a lifetime. Unless it is an open affair, in most cases, secrecy, lies and deceit take a direct or indirect toll on the relationships. The nature of the affair often dramatically changes once the betrayed partner has discovered or is ready to confront the involved partner. The discovery can happen abruptly or it can evolve gradually over a period of time when suspicion grows and there is at last a realization that the affair is indeed taking place and confrontation ensues.
Often the discovery of an affair or the confrontation regarding an affair launches the couple into a marital crisis. Clinical Notes: Therapists may be privy to an affair before the uninvolved spouse when the unfaithful partner reveals the secret during individual therapy. Therapists should also try to identify the type of affair it is and sort out if it is driven by addiction, desire to score, midlife crisis, marital dissatisfaction, etc.
Therapists should attempt to be compassionate, understand the historical, cultural, marital, and other forces that may have contributed to the affair. Physical risk must be considered with women of certain cultures and situations. When therapists have an un-negotiated, moralistic, punitive or negative judgment regarding the affair, they should state it clearly to the client at the beginning of therapy and offer the client referrals to other therapists who may have a different attitude towards affairs.
Phase 2: Discovery, Confrontation and Crisis General Description: When a secretive extramarital affair comes to light, it often launches a marital crisis.
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The compromised partner often feels a sense of betrayal, violation, despair, hopelessness, rage, anger, revenge, fear i. These reactions may resemble a response to catastrophic events. Common reactions to the loss of innocence are anguish, grief, distrust, anxiety, and shattered assumptions including obsessively pondering details of the affair; continuously watching for further signs of betrayal; and physiological hyperarousal, flashbacks and intrusive images.
The betrayed spouse is often in a kind of shock during this phase. He or she may fear that they will be punished forever for the betrayal while they grieve for the lost dreams associated with the affair.
rafworlfaces.cf Additionally, the unfaithful partner may experience fear of losing important or meaningful relationships and may experience grief and anguish over the loss of the relationships. At this stage, the betrayed partner often seeks support and empathy from anyone who will listen.
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The involved spouse is often upset when the exposure exceeds his or her comfort zone or includes his or her own friends, family and even children. Basic disclosure of some aspects of the affair usually takes place at this early phase. While X-rated details can be harmful, basic general information of when, where, how long, etc.